- Do you constantly feel like the victim of your own bad choices?
- Do you feel stuck in life & love because you don't trust yourself to make good decisions?
- In hindsight, do you always wish you'd gone with your gut?
- Do you let other people's opinions heavily influence your choices?
I've definitely answered 'yes' to all of these questions. And, depending on the current circumstances in my life, self-doubt can creep up on me with a vengeance and leave me flailing with indecision. Or even worse, making quick decisions without consulting my gut first, and left to deal with the aftermath of choices that are totally out of alignment with my soul's purpose and desires. This is why last week's #52PickMeUp was so important: "Know what you need to feel fulfilled." Because when you're clear about what you want, need, desire (and deserve) in life and love; plus how you want to feel, you already have the blueprint for your choices! All you have to do is weigh your options against your deepest desires; what feels most authentic and true for you.
The biggest life choice I've made recently was to sign a two year contract as the Pilates/Fitness Instructor on a private resort island in Turks & Caicos. On the surface it sounds fun, adventurous and Eat, Pray, Love-ish; especially for a divorced woman without the responsibility of kids. But if you had asked me before this job offer came up if I had any desire to uproot my life in NYC to live abroad for two years and teach Pilates, the answer would've been a resounding "No!". First of all, I was a forty-four year old single woman that, above all, craved roots. After already moving around every two years since my divorce, I wanted a home. And I wanted to share that home with my life partner and experience that sense of family again. That dream didn't seem remotely possible on an island with a population of three hundred. But my gut spoke so strongly that I couldn't ignore her voice. And as challenging as this new lifestyle is, I know that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I trust the decision I made and I trust the timing of my life.
Living here in isolation and with so much time alone makes me feel as if I've been stripped naked and forced to stare at myself in a three-way mirror. It's the most honest view I've ever had of myself and, while some parts feel unbearable to look at, I can see clearly what I want to change in order to become the better version of me. And, thus, a better partner. Another result of this bold choice is that I finally have the time and energy to focus on building my entrepreneurial vision while simultaneously eliminating the weight of debt. That will enable me to create the lifestyle I want, need and desire when I return to NYC in two years (well, 1 year+ 5 months, but who's counting? LOL).
This was one of the hardest choices I've ever made. My ego wanted love and family as soon as possible. But my gut reminded me of my deep need to develop greater self-love and integrity plus the time and space for spiritual, professional and financial growth. That was the kind of grounding I personally needed to feel fulfilled. My gut knows that the relationship I want, need and deserve will follow. I'm gonna continue to trust that... patiently.
Indie Girl Diary: writing prompt
My ego is telling me to choose __________. But my gut is telling me to choose __________.