Here we are, back at the beginning. Back at week one of #52PickMeUP. I've gotta say, the past 52 weeks of focused self-reflection and writing prompts have been absolutely invaluable to rediscovering my authentic self and what I need to feel happy and fulfilled. They've made me face my fears, challenges, and poor choices with honesty and compassion. And they've given me the motivation to stop settling (in life and love) and relentlessly pursue my deepest desires.
It's now 2016 and we've got another fifty-two weeks to continue building, creating, growing, and evolving into whomever and whatever we envision for ourselves this year. What do you desire? When's the last time you sat in stillness and dared to dream? Indulge yourself in this fun and thought-provoking journaling exercise to inspire your wildest dreams and deepest desires, because I think we far too often get stuck being "realistic" and coast through life accepting whatever comes rather than creating the life we desire.
In your dreams...
- where do you live?
- what's your lifestyle like?
- who do you love and how would you characterize your relationships?
- what fills your time?
- what are the predominant emotions you experience?
- what gives you pleasure?
- what touches, moves, and inspires you?
The bigger question though is, do you trust that all of this is possible? Do you trust that you're capable of manifesting your deepest desires? That's often where I get stuck; trusting that it's possible. Believing that I deserve to be more than just a spectator of other people's successes, loving relationships, and happiness. And holding back my own potential because I'm afraid of failure. Yep, I'm totally afraid of the "F" word. Even though I've always been a self-critical perfectionist, failure never seemed like a possibility until I experienced it in a big way: divorce. That was seven years ago. But it seems like that "failure" precipitated a series of similar "deaths" and "rebirths"; forcing me to relive rejection, betrayal, and feelings of inadequacy in many other relationships and just about every other area of my life. Of course life didn't completely suck. I've had amazing experiences during the past seven years too but, up until my divorce, I'd never experienced a series of so many profound lows and losses in my life -- and over such a prolonged period.
I bring this up because, while I never stopped dreaming (read: fantasizing), I think I subconsciously resigned myself to status quo. It's hard to even admit that because I know I've had a fantastically adventurous, bold, and exciting life. But I also have so many unfulfilled dreams and desires that are hidden in the corners of my heart because I let post-divorce life become more about surviving rather than thriving. My healing process was mired in so much fear, sadness, anger, and confusion that it effected my belief in myself, my perception of my own experiences, and that inner-knowing that anything is possible. Those dark emotions effected my ability to trust myself and to trust others. And they inhibited my ability to be truly vulnerable and risk any more pain to my ego.
I know everyone's divorce (breakup) and healing process is different. It's sometimes embarrassing to think I didn't "bounce back" sooner but I'm really proud that I've dedicated myself to my own personal evolution - my Indie Girl experience. I no longer feel like a victim of circumstance because I know I create my life through self-awareness and choice. I discovered that through journaling. For a long time, writing my truth was simply what I needed to survive the day. But the cumulative effect of consistently writing and reflecting has led to significantly greater self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-love even when it seemed like I was repeating the same friggin' lessons over and over again. And I have! The proof is in my Indie Girl Diaries. But eventually, clarity and self-love wins.
So for me, 2016 is about boldly following my intuition and living my own personal manifesto no matter how scary it feels. Because my intuition, not the annoying little voices in my head, is going to guide me toward my deepest desires. I'm going to trusting that. And I wish the same for you. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And tell all your single sista-friends about it too!
