It took a lot of courage, a cute outfit and a little lip gloss to approach “The Rock” at the gym that day. But, after my husband dumped me and I decided to move back to NYC, I had no other choice but to fast forward our relationship . No divorce papers had been signed but, as far as I was concerned, I was basically a free woman for the first time in eight years. Eight years out of the trenches made me a little gun shy, though. How the hell was I supposed to just walk up to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and interrupt his workout? Up until now, our communication had been limited to unquestionably flirtatious body language (at least in my mind). Like the time he winked at me. I knew it wasn’t just my imagination because he was looking right at me, flashing that mega-watt smile. OHMIGOD, it was the 1st time in a long time I felt “the tingle”! It was at that moment I knew it was time to upgrade to verbal communication. I simply had to pray I wasn’t being delusional and get the guts to make my move!
But, ohmigod, how was I supposed to approach him with all my co-workers and gym members gawking at me; waiting to see if I'd make a complete ass out of myself? Nobody knew I used to work with him back in the day and that, had I not been such a Little Miss Goody Two Shoes, I could’ve tapped that ass and actually smelled what The Rock was cooking! But honestly, I wasn’t even sure he recognized me after all these years. On top of it, dare I penetrate the fan-free zone we grant all celebrities as an unspoken rule at my gym? I know for a fact, that every female employee and gym member was jockin’ his shit and dying to talk to him too. Well, this was my chance! Do or die, bitches!
But hmmm... how would I break the ice? “Hi Rock”...? “Hello, The Rock”...? “Whatup Rock?”...? DAMN! Nothing seemed to roll off the tongue naturally. So I decided to go with his birth-name. Besides, I felt that using his actual name distinguished me from star-struck fans. I wasn’t star struck. I had a personal relationship with Dwayne. We’ve got history. So, after a deep breath and a few hail Mary’s, I approached his perfection. Though he was mid-workout, he responded with a smile (good start). “I’m not sure if you remember me but (dying inside)... we used to work together...” (intense heat rushing through my body). “We did?” he asked inquisitively as he simultaneously eyeballed me for perhaps a memory trigger (thank god for the cute outfit!). “Remember Flash Funk...?” His smile grew and he threw his head back laughing “Wow, you’re taking me waaaay back” (I think he even blushed a little). I continued... “Well (confidence boosted), I was one of the Funkettes”. Without losing that mega-watt smile, he extended his hand and formally re-introduced himself and repeated my name a couple of times as if to commit it to memory. I didn’t wanna let go. I’d been secretly waiting for years to get this close to The Rock (I mean, Dwayne) again. I wanted to lick every bead of sweat off of his body (I know, TMI.) Distracted by my own fantasy, I didn't know what to say next! Then, completely overcome by the sensation of our physical contact, the following words fell out of my mouth: “I feel like we keep running into each other.” Oh. My. God. What was I saying? "'We keep running into each other?'" I'm sure he hasn't been aware of all our chance meetings. He's been far too busy and far too famous to be checking for Keex; even if he did over a decade ago. He probably thinks I’ve been stalking him ever since then! FAIL. MAJOR FAIL!!! He raised his signature eyebrow though (oh, but swoon). “Really... where?” he asked. “Well, I performed at the Taurus Stunt Awards”. “Which one?”. “The one that you hosted”, I responded mater of fact-ly. “I host all of them.” (Duh! Embarrassing! Didn't do enough Google research.). “I performed an aerial act on a building facade at the Paramount Lot” (oh please remember, please remember). “Oh yeaaaaah, I remember that!”. (score!) Now he knew I was more than just a ho in a unitard and Pilates Instructor at the local gym! I was an aerial stunt bad-ass!!! We were, like, in the same league... maybe? “Then, I saw you at the gym in Santa Monica awhile back. And then, here!”
As I shamelessly rambled on, I wondered if he even remembered wantin’ a piece of this Funkette back in the day? After all, I was done with the Little Miss Goody Two Shoes act! But maybe he just wanted me to shut up and walk away so he could get back to his workout. I was kind of inclined to do that anyway since I feared my loquacious and unruly Gemini tongue. I didn't dare embarrass myself any further. So I punked out , said “see ya later” and returned to my managerial duties; despite the fact that he seemed to be the genuinely humble and down-to-earth guy I remembered. He might've even continued the conversation if I wasn’t such a LOSER! But with my ego freshly damaged from my husband leaving me, I had no confidence and no game. So, once again, nothing happened between me and Dwayne. Once again I was left with unfulfilled curiosity. Had I known any sooner that my husband had been spreading his seed all over Los Angeles, things might've turned out differently.
Oh, and I have a confession. My big old car accident? Dwayne’s fault! I went back to the gym the morning of my accident to say goodbye to my fellow employees and clients. But honestly, I ONLY went back to get my final Dwayne fix. I wanted to say “goodbye” and “until next time”. I wanted him to know I was moving to New York but that I wanted the opportunity to get to know the man beyond the persona. There was something about his character that had always caught my attention. But he never showed up at the gym that day. Totally uncharacteristic. The next thing I knew, I was doing 360s on the 101 freeway. And then, I was here in NYC, starting over. I know that destiny won’t elude us, though. I’m gonna manifest his ass; even if I don’t believe in that law of attraction shit anymore.
