I didn’t cry. Nope, not a single tear. Okay, that’s a lie. But it wasn’t until I got on the phone with my BFF and admitted I had been dumped by my husband that the floodgates opened. Not only did I feel rejected, but I felt discarded and abandoned as if the love between us had never existed. The pain, fear, anger and hurt that had been shrouded in shock finally became tangible during that call to my BFF.
At that point in my life everything had revolved around my “married” status; everything from my identity as Mrs. EX to my career and even my dancer's body which had expanded by a horrifying twenty-six pounds! Mortifying, to say the least. And this is when hindsight is a bitch. When I got married, I made the mistake of “settling down”. It wasn’t a conscious effort, though. I simply got caught up in living the American Dream which goes contrary to my artistic, free-spirited sensibilities. My priorities shifted from my soul's need for abundance and fulfillment via the pursuit of my artistic passions to “keeping up with the Jones’” and defining success with the acquisition of material possessions. Career-wise I chose the “practical” and “responsible” route of becoming a Licensed Massage Therapist and Certified Pilates Instructor; working in spas, boutique studios and high-end fitness clubs while launching my own private practice, Soulful Kneads. While my career shift felt incredibly rewarding and I was genuinely attached to my clients and their well-being; my life & marriage had become a daily grind rather than the fun, creative and romantic journey I anticipated. I was in a rut that eventually eroded my spirit. But with my “married” status as my only sense of identity, who was I to ultimately become when stripped of the title of Mrs. EX? Everything I had worked so hard to build over the last 6 years while simultaneously encouraging, motivating and supporting his artistic dreams...was gone.
So, as I desperately cried and cried over the phone to my BFF I blurted out, “I should just move back to New York”. And then, in a moment of clarity, the floodgates stopped and it was as if the angels burst into melodious harmony.“Fuck it, I’m moving back to New York.”. I mean, what did I have to lose?