When I accepted the invitation for a third interview in Turks & Caicos, I already knew I was gonna take the job. My heart still wasn’t in it but I knew I’d be a fool to cave into stubbornness and dismiss this once in a lifetime opportunity. But I was still scared of committing to the unknown for two years. And even worse, committing to two years of island fever which they spent both interviews forewarning me about! And I was still scared about leaving all the discomforts of my life in NYC that I’d sadly become quite comfortable with. And I was still scared of leaving my sista-friends and the uncertainty of finding equally meaningful bonds on an island full of strangers. And then, there was Mr. Weird Science. I didn’t wanna leave him either, even though it had already been one month since I’d walked away from our relationship.
I was still struggling to give up the possibility of “us”. I knew I had no choice but to erase those ideas from my mind, but memories of our deep connection and chemistry kept repopulating the empty spaces. I secretly harbored the disappointment of knowing that two years in Turks & Caicos would force me to end the apparent fantasy. But it would definitely make it easier to move on, reclaim my heart and open it up to someone else that wanted it. It felt almost serendipitous. But still a hard truth to swallow. Even still, I wasn’t ready or willing to give up our friendship. I knew that was real. He'd become one of my closest friends and I wanted to tell him all about this life-changing adventure I was reluctantly taking. And before I left, I wanted to spend as much time with my friend as possible; even without the “benefits”.
He was surprised to hear from me and worried, I suppose, about the possibility of lingering expectations he couldn’t fulfill. After all, it had only been one month since I’d told him I needed space; that my heart had been hurt. And while I was fully aware that the attraction and chemistry didn't miraculously disappear, his friendship and my integrity was important enough for me to keep my legs crossed. So we agreed to dinner. Our energies lit up over Italian wine as we caught up on everything that filled our month apart. When I told him about the two year teaching opportunity in Turks & Caicos he smiled his beautiful smile and congratulated me, but his eyes stared in disbelief. Of course, I was still in disbelief too. I mean, it's amazing how everything can change within a month. But he was totally supportive and helped me see (what I already knew deep down inside) that the Universe was actually conspiring in my favor.
And then he asked whether or not he should drop me off at home.