So, there we were; the 3 of us reunited (me, Brooklyn & my EX). But everything was different. It felt as if the four walls of resentment, anger, hurt and sadness were closing in on me. I felt isolated, claustrophobic and completely detached from the man that used to “complete” me. I wished for the power of teleportation but was forced to squeeze through the maze of emotions built by accusations, blame and fault-finding.
I felt shell shocked. M.I.A.from my own life. I lost all sense of time and space. The only thing giving me any semblance of purpose was an overbooked schedule of teaching Pilates, giving massages and performing. Oh, plus my standing appointment with a glass of wine (or 2) to end my day. Without those things connecting the dots of my existence, I was merely drifting through life and navigating through my hectic schedule on auto-pilot.
Never before had I experienced such numbness. I felt as inanimate as the luggage in the cargo compartment of that 6 hour flight to NYC. Whoever I am or was had seemingly escaped into the ether. My physical body may have been sitting on that plane but I was an empty vessel. But maybe I wasn’t numb after all, because the gravity of whatever was going on in my psyche felt suffocatingly impossible to escape.
