Solitude feels like an uninvited guest. She's this big ol' annoying pest that's hard to shake as she stomps through my head with her loud-ass megaphone blasting my each and every thought with a deafening echo as a constant reminder of my mindset. "I'm bored". "I'm lonely". "I'd rather be in NYC".
My fresh blowout went wild with the wind as I gazed from behind my sunglasses at the technicolor turquoise water. I was mesmerized by the wake behind the boat which reminded me of elaborate Busby Berkeley choreography and the ever-changing kaleidoscope of memories that trailed behind me like bygone eras.
Damn him for presenting the option! I mean, how was I supposed to turn down sex when my Gemini mind was already drunk with conversation and his pheromones were teasing my carnal senses. My mind said, “Keex, have some fucking integrity” but my body said “Fuck it”.
I got an almost immediate response to my resume and scheduled my first Skype interview with Spa management. Even still, the idea of teaching Pilates and Fitness for two years at a private resort island in Turks & Caicos had absolutely no appeal to me. I felt totally resistant to the idea of uprooting my life in NYC no matter how ungrounded it already was.
The Universe took advantage of my natural curiosity. Of course I’d wanna know all the details about a two-year gig teaching Pilates in Turks & Caicos even though I personally had no interest in the job. Back in the day, I would’ve jumped at an opportunity like this.
It wasn’t until I finally arrived in Turks & Caicos that I realized how much I needed a drastic change. Or how desperate I was to feel grounded, centered and supported again. I guess it’s hard to notice what you really need when you never take the time to be still and allow your emotions to rise to the surface and be felt.
Okay, for clarity sake, I’m not a stripper. So you won’t find me booty-poppin’ at the club. Not to say I never fantasize about doin’ my thang on the main stage at Sin City in the Boogie Down. But instead, you’ll find a slightly tamer version of myself swinging around a pole with a bunch of hockey moms, high school teachers, corporate professionals and nurses... in a pole dance studio where I teach the sensual, yet very athletic art of pole dancing.
I never told my therapist about my botched attempt at lesbianism. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. Instead, I devoted a complete session to divulging the details of my relationship with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Dwayne might not have known the exact depth of our relationship but I was fully devoted to my crush as it served as a giddy escape from my current reality.
