One thing I definitely value about getting older is my ability to acknowledge and experience negative emotions, feelings and fears without shame, judgment or complete hopelessness. After all, ruts and emotional funks happen. But at forty-four years old I can finally sit in my pain and feel miserable, all the while knowing that it's temporary. Unhappiness and uncertainty don't last forever, unless I let them.
So here I am, chronically single and forced to rely upon mere fate to find love in my natural habitat. And as bleak as on-line dating felt, the odds of meeting someone on my own seems, dare I say, hopeless. Cue the violins. Cue the single-itis. With OkCupid, at least I felt like I had an agent working for me, even if their representation sucked...
I don't know if it's age and maturity or shear fear, but I realize that I'm far more cautious in my approach to dating than I was in my twenties. That was the last time I was single. Back then I was so easily lured by looks and raw physical attraction that I was pretty reckless with my heart and my body; not thinking of the emotional consequences of giving too much or giving it up too quickly to someone not worthy of me.
At risk of over-generalizing, I think that's exactly what many single women lack: PERSONAL STRENGTH. Me included, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be in this self-induced, self-help bubble. Lesson learned because, without personal strength, we tend to pick partners and/or relationships that painfully illustrate just how personally weak we are. And not to make excuses for us single ladies, but we are struggling against this culturally instilled preoccupation with finding "the one" without any emphasis on finding ourselves first.
