Turn-Ons: For the first time in months I felt beautiful.
Turn-Offs: There was no one else there to hold the camera!
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I woke up this morning with an incredible urge to dance. I was wondering when that desire would resurface. I think I’ve been suppressing the need for movement expression knowing that, to dance here on this private resort island in Turks & Caicos, is to dance alone. And what I miss, besides movement itself, is being surrounded by other artists with equal or greater passion, experience and talent. I miss the artistic collaboration, collective energy and inspiration that sweats out of our pores and fogs studio mirrors. I miss the eyes of audience members moved by our storytelling, emotional vulnerability, and physical bravery. I miss the applause. Once a dancer, always a dancer. I can only contain my thoughts, feeling and emotions for so long before needing to celebrate or exorcise them through movement.
It was my day off and it crossed my mind to use the resort’s yoga pavilion as my personal dance studio and fill its space with stories. But without the context and structure of a dance class, I was afraid of having such an intimate conversation with my body. I was afraid it would either have nothing to say, or so much that it would hurt. Instead, I retreated to the beach.
But even there I couldn’t ignore my overwhelming need to move. I was overcome by the sensuality, expansiveness and power of the ocean. And the depth and the clarity of her aquamarine water as it pushed and pulled, pouring secrets onto her sandy shores. It was while contemplating her beauty with the heat of the sun on my back, that I noticed my own beauty in the form of my shadow. I was a stoic figure; larger than life with a commanding presence. But I was also beautiful, fluid and graceful. I became my own audience, watching my image dance across the sand. And while there was no applause, my spirit felt free for the first time in months. And that's exactly what I needed.
