I want it all! Yep, not only do I wanna have a passionate, loving and respectful relationship with the man of my dreams; but I want a financially lucrative career built around my own creative self-expression. I want to indulge all of my senses in a life of curious exploration and adventurous play while traveling the world and knocking stuff off my bucket list one at a time.
I'd just stuffed myself at Empanada Mama and decided to walk through Times Square to get to my much needed calorie-burning Redcord class. After dodging Elmo, Hello Kitty, the naked cowboy plus the sidewalk-barricading, sky-scraper gawking, GAP-wearing tourists; I found respite in Bryant Park. And in an instant I became the tourist. In my own city!
I've learned from experience that a big ol' void in your heart can quite easily be filled with food; at least temporarily. And while my listless heart languishes from limited love possibilities, my tastebuds never seem to lack vast mouth-watering options to satiate my soul.
Not only did my first date in four years cancel on me (emotional buzz kill) but, add to that, it was grey, dreary and rainy outside (amplifying said buzz kill). Ah, the perfect day for a depressive afternoon of self-pitying and over-indulgent eating.
Who doesn't wanna walk into a room and be treated like an A-lister? Well, I recently indulged in such super-star treatment at the Ted Gibson Salon. Even I, a mere commoner, didn't have to endure long waits in the reception area reading gossip magazines.
Pilates class was the perfect excuse to schlep downtown and wander around my post break-up 'hood of the Lower East Side. I discovered that it's evolved as much as I have over the past four years. The young, hipster vibe was still there along with the Cake Shop across from my old bedroom window and my emergency spots for uncontrollable cases of single-itis: September Wine & Spirits and Babycakes Bakery.
I've got a confession. I've been wrapped up in a torrid new affair with Redcord. No, it hasn't diminished my deep affection for or loyalty to Pilates. But it definitely scores a close second; just as Idris Elba does to The Rock.
Quintessence is a hidden gem in the eclectic East Village of 5-story walk-ups and passers-by that seem to carry complex life stories and eccentricities. I sat at a table by the window which became an entertaining picture book of characters; some of whom seemed stuck in an 80s time warp, swathed in vintage clothing and signs of bygone-era excess lingering on their wandering souls. It was an interesting mix of those types, plus rent-stabilized hanger-on-ers surprised to see their hood become hip and the young hipsters that help make it so. If it weren't for NY, these characters would never co-exist.
It was the 21st day of the Chopra Center 21-day Meditation Challenge and I was still on meditation #15. To cram or not to cram? That was the question. I could've meditated all night to make up for my lack of commitment over the last week. But that seemed counter-intuitive to the whole process and purpose of creating a consistent daily practice.
For the first time since my separation and divorce, I've finally connected with someone who gets me. I feel like I've just had an intimate, 257-page conversation with Gabriel Cohen, author of "Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce". We commiserated over the pain we've felt from being abandoned by our EXes without forewarning.
The historic Russian & Turkish Baths on E10th St were a major disappointment for this Indie Girl seeking refuge from the rapid-paced concrete jungle of NYC. It was like a bachelor pad version of a spa that felt purely functional and devoid of any atmosphere or amenities conducive to relaxation and pampering. Nor was there any sense of hospitality; just a stern faced dude in a Kangol who assumed I knew the services, policies and procedures of this old-school facility, chock-full of regulars who already knew the drill.
I rememeber when the reality of separation and divorce from my EX was still a fresh wound that cut so deeply my body went into protective shock. As much as my spirit felt lost and ungrounded, my physical body went numb -- especially my feet. Years later, and after much emotional healing, I finally have the pleasure of inhabiting my body fully again. But with that comes the awareness of the physical pain of being a pavement stomping New Yorker, professional dancer and aerial artist.
Sometimes, the best Indie Date for a lonely Indie Girl is a place where, like Cheers, "everybody knows your name". I have yet to discover my home away from home where I become a familiar face that bellies up to the bar. But I think I've reached a certain comfort level at The Grey Dog, which is a cozy neighborhood hang in Union Square.
I rolled outta bed at the ungodly hour of 6am for a 7:45am call-time at ABC Studios to be an audience member at Live With Kelly. I felt groggy but nonetheless excited for this particular Indie Date because it seems like forever since last being on a TV set. Fun! But all that excitement diminished as the day proceeded and I began to feel more like an unpaid extra rather than someone there to be entertained.
Let's face it. Dating is complicated. At least for me it is. After all, I haven't dated since the turn of the century. And now that I'm "back on the market" I'm facing singlehood as a "cougar" in a world where Match.com and OkCupid have replaced the more traditional approaches of making a love connection. Add to that, my emotional baggage from unsuccessful past relationships, including a failed marriage and the stigma of divorce. HELP! So I turned to the wisdom of stand-up comic, Steve Harvey, in his book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man".
"Are you shy?" was the first question she asked me. I had already stripped down to my g-string! "Uh... no?" I replied. "Then take off your panties." I obliged. I had no idea this required full nudity. So, there I was, butt naked under bright lights in a small room with white walls and a mirror. Hmph, so much for confidence. I was on my back with knees pointing east and west on the spa table. My Brazilian bikini wax expert used rubber glove protection as she stroked, stretched and pulled my vajayjay in ways that felt, perhaps, more invasive than my gynocoloist.
I traveled to the far flung edges of NYC's west side, traversing avenue blocks in the cold only to have my very existence questioned at The Kitchen. "World of Wires" created a multi-media, "big brother is watching"-ish theater experience that confronted me with questions like: Am I truly human? Or am I a mere test subject in a scientific computer simulation of earth-scale proportions? Is my life simply an experiment conducted by some post-human civilization studying our less evolved human behavior and emotion? And can I blame a computer glitch for this insane compulsion of mine to divulge my life experiences and dirty little secrets on the worldwide web in the form of a diary; thereby relieving savvy post-human scientists the arduous task of recording their findings about flawed behavioral patterns and their consequences?
This was definitely worth the $15 ticket price and the schlep to BAM Rose Cinemas in Fort Green, Brooklyn. It's elegant architecture, spotless theater and delicious popcorn offered a comfy and spohisticated IndieDate night for an indie film buff like myself. PINA, a feature-length dance film in 3D with the ensemble of the Tanztheater Wuppertal, created such a vivid experience of texture, color, emotion, feeling, facial expression, simple gesture and explosive movement. It was as if I were onstage with the dancers, feeling everything they were feeling. I experienced the intensity of their longing, sadness, anger, pain, joy and whimsy as much as the environmental props (water, dirt, grass) that were intricately weaved into their storytelling.
Reading Ambika Wauters' "Life Changes With the Energy of the Chakras" was like a prolonged look into an unforgiving three-way mirror. I was forced to see all the stuff I didn't love about myself; stuff that weighted me with either embarrassment, shame or frustration. It reflected how I truly feel about myself and its direct effect on how I navigate through life, career and relationships. It also forced me to recognize how it's my own choices and reactions to life changes that have shaped who and where I am today.
It was like reverting back to the womb. Every movement was supported by breath and the cocoon-like embrace of the aerial hammock which allowed for total surrender. It felt safe to relax; one on life's pleasures that I tend to neglect. It compassionately reminded me of my struggle to be fully present in the moment, breathe deeply and give my mind a break from solving the world's problems. My muscles were coerced into relaxation, promising greater ease and freedom of movement.
