My heart feels all warm and gooey right now. Last time I felt this way was circa 2000. But my body remembers vividly this deliciously tortuous feeling when hours of productivity are squandered away daydreaming, dissecting the meaning of each moment spent together and living in anticipation of the next time. I’m such a girl.
So here I am, chronically single and forced to rely upon mere fate to find love in my natural habitat. And as bleak as on-line dating felt, the odds of meeting someone on my own seems, dare I say, hopeless. Cue the violins. Cue the single-itis. With OkCupid, at least I felt like I had an agent working for me, even if their representation sucked...
After minimal hours of sleep and a strong cup of coffee by my side, I clocked in at my new full-time job: cultivating a love connection on OkCupid. It required the labor intensive tasks of sorting though and scrutinizing profiles and quiver connections to see if anyone peaked my interest or titillated my ego.
In my experience, on-line dating seems to be populated with guys who aren't really looking for a “love” connection, even if they claim to be. What they’re really looking for is sex. But who can blame them? They’ve got an entire database of equally desperate and horny women ready to raise their skirts at the mere flattery of a virtual wink.
At this point, I didn’t care if I’d be meeting him for the first time dressed in some matchy-matchy Lululemon get-up, with my hair in a ponytail and still sweating from my Redcord class. Oh, I’d be sure to look “effortlessly cute”, mind you, but I wasn’t gonna invest any real time and energy in trying to impress my “imaginary boyfriend” with a fab outfit and a cute hairdo. Nope, I planned on being just cute enough to make him curious...
So, where was this great new love or series of lovers to be found? I swear I was keeping my eyes, heart and mind open to possibility. I even reinvigorated my OkCupid profile and decided to be less picky. Even if a guy didn’t seem my type physically, I gave him bonus points for similar interests plus good grammar and spelling. Then maybe, just maybe, I could overlook the man boobs and receding hairlines.
The fact that my EX (yes, my EX-husband) breezed in and out of the city recently and we enjoyed conversation over lunch seems almost inconsequential. It's only real relevance was the fact that it validated my possession of a fully healed and optimally functioning heart that is open to loving and being loved. Closure complete.
I think I'm having a mid-life SEX crisis! I'm forty-two years old, divorced and haven't had anything other than a self-induced orgasm in four years. I can't believe it myself! Never in a million, gazillion years would I have predicted this! How is this my life? Granted, Post Marital Stress Disorder (PMSD) is partially to blame.
Okay, Keex, enough of the DRAMA! So what if OkCupid dude disappeared like poof? And so what if his dating profile is still active minus the two photos which he curiously deleted? And who cares if, after test driving me for two months, he possibly picked a different chick but still prowls on the down low in case he wants to upgrade? In the end, I was disappointed but not devastated.
I'm a sucker for suspense. Just not when it comes to my love life. Or at least my attempt at one. But just my luck, I've been dangling in suspenseful limbo for almost two months since meeting this dude on OkCupid. I have no idea how our profiles even crossed paths 'cause I was specifically clear with Cupid that he aim his arrows strictly within the five boroughs.
