Monogamy feels important at this point in our relationship because it would make me feel valued in the way I need. It would allay my fears of being temporary 'booty' while Mr. Weird Science hopes for someone better to come along. Monogamy would create the safety for even deeper levels of physical and emotional intimacy. It would reflect a shift of intention and that I might not be wasting my precious forties on a relationship going nowhere.
"When you meet the right one, you just know." Yep, we gushed those same words with cherished pride just like any other couple in the lust phase on the verge of sealing the deal with a shiny rock. And look at us now.
I felt like the living embodiment of every negative feeling you could think of. Humiliated. Disrespected. Resentful. Worthless. Abandoned. Insecure. Frightened. Suspicious. Untrusting. Guarded. Insignificant. Unloved. Misled. Hurt. Add to that an endless cycle of sadness which turned to anger which turned to hatred and dissatisfaction with everyone, everything, every situation and every experience. How disemboweling to finally arrive at a place of forgiveness only to find out that the depth of deceit ran far deeper than a drunken 1-night stand.
So that was that. It was over. A done deal. My EX left the next morning, marking the end of an eight year chapter of my life entitled “Love & Marriage”. There was no getting around the fact that I had officially been abandoned by my husband, best friend and lover; only to fend for myself as a 38 year old single mom with the emotional fortitude of a 2 year old.
